Waiting for Wiidot

I don't know why, but this idea came to me while I was in the shower. Don't ask - I have no idea ;). My apologies to Samuel Beckett fans. (If you don't get it..)

Waiting for Wiidot

A tragicomedy in one act

A Wal-Mart parking lot. A bench. Night.

Estragon, sitting on the bench, is trying to warm up his feet.

(enter Vladimir)

Estragon: (giving up) Nothing to be done.

Vladimir: That’s what I’m saying.

Estragon: And might I inquire where you just went?

Vladimir: Behind the dumpsters at the back of the store, in the bushes.

Estragon: That’s disgusting you know.

Vladimir: Of course. But what else are we to do?

Estragon: You could wait. Like me.

Vladimir: Ah, how well is that working out for you?

Estragon: Not that well.

Vladimir: I doubt you’ll make it until they open in the morning.

Estragon: I have to.

Vladimir: It’s too much for one man.

Estragon: Suppose we gave up.

Vladimir: Now? It’s two in the morning; we’re half-way there. And we have a good spot in the line.

Estragon: What if they run out? Do we wait another week?

Vladimir: We don’t have anything else to do.

Estragon: So we wait until we get one.

Vladimir: Of course.

(enter Pozzo)

Pozzo: Cheerio!

Estragon: Are you handing out the Wii tickets?

Vladimir: He doesn’t look like a Wal-Mart employee.

Pozzo: The what tickets?

Estragon: Wii tickets.

Pozzo: You tickets?

Vladimir: No, we’re in line to buy the Wii, you see.

Estragon: ..and we thought you might-

Pozzo: In line to buy yourselves? I say, that sounds like a strange thing to do.

Estragon: Nintendo Wii.

Vladimir: It’s a game console.

Pozzo: A what? You’re making no sense.

Vladimir: I don’t think it’s us.

Estragon: Look, it’s just called Wii and we’re in line to buy it. At some point they said they were going to come around and hand out tickets to people in line.

Pozzo: I don’t have any tickets.

Vladimir: And you’re not in line?

Pozzo: No.

Estragon: Why are you here in the middle of the night?

Pozzo: How would I know?

Vladimir: You’re cracked.

Pozzo: Am I? You’re the ones waiting in a line to buy yourselves.

Estragon: No, the Wii is a gaming device -

Vladimir: Let’s just drop it.

Pozzo: Drop what?

Vladimir: Nothing, we were just confused.

Pozzo: I’ll say you were; I’ve never heard such boffo. Anyway, I’m off! Adieu.

(exit Pozzo)

Estragon: That was weird.

Vladimir: Maybe he’s been in line for a few days and just lost it.

Estragon: I didn’t see him when we walked by.

Vladimir: Or maybe he waited for a PS3 and didn’t get one.

Estragon: At least it passed the time.

Vladimir: It would have passed either way.

Estragon: Yes, but not so rapidly.

(Long silence)

Estragon: How much longer?

Vladimir: Still six hours.

Estragon: I’m so bored I could hang myself.

Vladimir: Do it.

Estragon: What would you do?

Vladimir: Laugh.

Estragon: I knew it.

Vladimir: Do you hear something up ahead?

Estragon: I believe I do.

Vladimir: I think they’re handing out the tickets for the Wiis.

Estragon: It’s about time.

(enter Wal-Mart Employee)

Employee: .. 52 .. 53 .. 54. (stops)

Vladimir: What about us?

Employee: That’s it.

Estragon: But we didn’t get tickets. Where are the rest of the tickets?

Employee: We only got 54 Wiis delivered. You’re number 55.

Vladimir: But the other lady said you had 75.

Employee: The day manager? She’s a little flaky. I counted them. 54.

Estragon: How could you only get 54? That’s not even a round number.

Employee: I just work here.

Vladimir: But we have to get one! We’ve waited all night.

Employee: We’d still have the same number of Wiis if you’d waited a year.

Estragon: This is crazy! Off by one.

Employee: You could try the Beaverton store. Or wait until we get another shipment next week. Sorry.

(exit Wal-Mart Employee)

Estragon: Should we wait?

Vladimir: Are you nuts?

Estragon: I will be if we don’t get a Wii.

Vladimir: You could hang yourself.

Estragon: (looks up at light pole) I could, you know. In fact, I think I will. (gets up, takes off belt)

Vladimir: Is it long enough?

Estragon: I think it is. (pants fall off)

Curtain.